∙I tried to catch some Fog… but I mist.

∙When chemists die, they barium. 

∙Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. 

∙A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 

∙I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. 

∙How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

∙I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.

∙I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down. 

∙I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. 

∙They told me I had type a blood, but it was a type-o. 

∙PMS jokes aren’t funny, PERIOD! 

∙Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. 

∙Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz. 

∙The Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery. 

∙I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 

∙How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it! 

∙Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? 

∙When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 

∙I wondered shy the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 

∙Broken pencils are pointless. 

∙What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. 

∙England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 

∙I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

∙All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. 

∙I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. 

∙Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. 

∙Velcro. What a rip off! 

∙Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. 

∙I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. 

∙Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too. 

∙NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.